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Chore wars

March 23, 2012 in Babies, Parenting, Toddlers by admin

Are rows over housework getting you down?  Follow these tips to help everyone feel they’re getting a fair deal.

A new baby means more work for everyone, but the reality is that new mums often end up with the lion’s share when it comes to household chores. And when one partner goes back to work leaving the other with the bulk of domestic duties, resentment can build, causing lasting damage to your relationship.

Point-scoring doesn’t help anyone, so here are a few ways to make sure everyone wins.

1. Plan ahead
Don’t just assume things will ‘work themselves out.’  You’re more likely to argue if you end up doing more than you expected, so think it through and agree in advance about who will do what once baby comes along.

2. Value your role
Just because one person earns more it doesn’t mean that their job is more important, or that they deserve more of a break when it comes to the weekend.  “I don’t mind doing the housework during the week, but the expectation that I will also do it at weekend drives me mad!” says Rebecca, 36.  Try swapping roles for a day so he can see just how hard you work – then agree a schedule that gives you both the time off you deserve.

3. Find time to talk
Knee-deep in laundry with a screaming baby on your hip is not the time to tell him how you feel.   Find a time when you can sit down and talk without getting emotional, and show him you’re not tired or irrational – you need things to change.

4. Do some things together
Ok, so it’s hardly quality time, but doing the laundry or dishes together can give you a shared sense of purpose and help you feel you’re in it together.

5. Drop the scorecard
You’ve fed the baby, done eight loads of washing and been up all night, but keeping score means no-one wins.  It’s not a competition, so take a deep breath and let it go.

6. Don’t go on the attack
Sometimes it’s less about what you say than how you say it.  If he feels threatened he’s more likely to counter-attack, so instead of saying ‘you never do the dishes,’ try asking if he’d prefer to wash up or clean the bathroom.

7. Don’t criticise
Telling him what he’s done wrong will only make him less likely to try again, so resist the urge to stand over him or criticise when he does help.

8. Say thank you
A little appreciation can go a long way.  At the end of the day you’ve both worked hard, so make sure you recognise each other’s efforts.

9. Lower your standards
It may drive you insane, but chances are he simply doesn’t notice dust gathering on the picture frames or the layer of grease over the cooker.  Make sure you’re both clear about what standard is expected, but be prepared to lower your sights sometimes if it means keeping the peace.

10. It will pass
Right now it may seem like things will never change, but as your little one grows more independent you’ll start to share things more evenly again.  Hold on and remind yourself that the end is in sight.

For more relationship information and advice, visit The Couple Connection.

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Green Nippers competition winner

August 22, 2011 in Babies, Competitions by admin | 1 comment

We recently ran a competition on the Cuddledry blog to win a rather lovely organic baby grow from Green Nippers. If you didn’t enter, you can stop reading now, as this is going to be terribly dull for you.

If you did enter though, and have been on the edge of your seat ever since, eager to know the outcome, then read on.

We had loads of entries, with lots of people clearly very keen to get their hands on one of Green Nippers’ gorgeous outfits. I mean look at them, you would wouldn’t you?

Today though, I can announce that the winner is…

*unnecesary drum roll*

…Michelle Kirby!

Congratulations Michelle :-)

If you fancy posting a picture of your little one in their new outfit on our facebook page I’m sure we’d all love to see!

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Enjoying that ever elusive ‘quality time’ with Orchard Toys

August 17, 2011 in Parenting, Toddlers by admin | 1 comment

As you might have guessed if you’ve ever read my personal blog, I’m not a big fan of ‘quality time’ with my children.
 
When I say quality time, I don’t mean coffee and cake in my local Starbucks – I’m excellent at that – I’m talking proper old fashioned quality time, playing games, baking cakes and gluing bits of old pasta onto cardboard.
 
Sometimes though, just sometimes, I come across games that I actually don’t mind playing. Like dominoes. I don’t know why, but I can play countless games of dominoes before the twitching kicks in. Or any sort of card or memory game, (good for the whole ‘getting old’ thing). Or draughts. But no one will play that with me because I always win.
 
I’m also a big fan of Orchard Toys. (And not just because we have a game from them that makes actual burping noises, although that obviously helps too.) The beauty of Orchard Toys is that they are designed to be educational, so you’re killing two birds with one stone – having fun and making the kids learn stuff. Genius. I also really like the size and shape of the little cards. I know it’s weird but I just do.
 
Their all time bestseller, Shopping List, is a personal favourite. Not only is it a memory game, (check), but it also has really lovely, chunky square pieces. And you know I love that.

Other favourites in our house include Pop to the Shops   and Bus Stop.
 
They really are lovely games, simple enough for even young children to engage with them, and not wander off to watch Cbeebies, and bright and colourful enough to keep even me interested. They are great value too, and make lovely gifts. We’ve given loads as birthday presents in the past - partly because they are so easy to wrap, but also because you look like you’ve surely spent far more than you have.


 

So, if pasta collage isn’t your thing, Orchard Toys are definitely worth a look.

By Jo Middleton

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Business Plus Baby blog carnival

February 25, 2011 in Parenting, Uncategorized, Working mums by admin | 11 comments

Blog Carnival - BlueWhen we first offered to host the Business Plus Baby blog carnival back before Christmas, we didn’t really know what to expect. We certainly weren’t prepared for the fantastic response from amazing business mummies everywhere, on such a wide range of interesting topics.

So after a fascinating afternoon spent sorting our way through all the entries, we are very pleased to be able to share them all with you today. So, grab a cuppa, but your feet up, and dive in. It is Friday after all, you deserve it…

If you’ve ever worried about going back to work after maternity leave, and how you’ll cope with the change from milk stained pjs to high heels, Notes to Self, Plus Two gives a brilliant account of her return to work, taking us through Day One, Week One and Week Two - we are very impressed she had time to blog at all!

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Breastfeeding – when should you stop?

November 30, 2010 in Babies, Parenting by admin | 5 comments

Today’s guest post comes from Kelly Brett, blogger at Writings, Ramblings and Reviews, and founder of Piddley Pix…

When it comes to pregnancy and parenting, breastfeeding is one of the most controversial subjects.I am not sure why, as it is the most natural thing to do, the body was built for it after all. It all starts during pregnancy with the ‘will you?’, which turns to a ‘are you?’ once you have given birth, which turns again to ‘are you still?’ at various stages through the first few months. These questions come from professionals, colleagues, friends and even strangers.

There is masses of advice, guidance and opinions on breastfeeding, how to start, how to continue, why it is good, public or not – but there is one question that is rarely answered. When is the right time to stop?

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A week in the life of a ‘Mumpreneur’…

June 15, 2010 in Parenting, Working mums by admin | 5 comments

If you’ve ever wondered what it was like being the classic ‘mumpreneur’, have a read of Polly’s week – how does she find the time?!

I just wonder how many people in the world can claim to have as varied a job as us working mums?  For example, this week…

Sunday – packed up 3 children, one husband and a weeks worth of wet and dirty laundry for a 12 hour drive via ferry back to the UK from a week in France for half term (lovely) – loads of stress and shouting and children crying as you can imagine.  Pray that the french cops don’t stop us as we hurtle north with only one headlight…arrive home 11pm.

Monday – Inset day – no school run.  Preschool still on (ARRGH) – mad dash to get ready and go. Office – go through 185 of the 380 emails received during previous week – before noon. Then lunch for five children and another mum to help tape/man-handle 35 enormous boxes in my middle room ready for collection so we can walk between the kitchen and the living room for the first time since the baby show three weeks ago.

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Going slightly mad

May 5, 2010 in Babies, Parenting by admin

Polly explores time travel as a method for Getting Things Done…

I am beginning to suspect that life is only going to get busier and busier as children grow older – and that I will look back with dreamlike yearning for the days of carefree abandon and all the eons of spare time I had when they were babies. I love my girls dearly but with ballet, piano, tennis, swimming, Yoga (!) – and that’s just the oldest one – I see the wonder of having any time for myself slowing retreating into the ever distant future.

So allowing for all that, as well as the fact that with three girls living in a very pro-horse community, I think I have to learn to stretch time as well as the pound (apparently there is an election tomorrow on this very same issue!! I know this becuase of all the little posters up and down the country lanes around me – and not because I’ve seen a television or a newspaper in recent history).

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Single Parenting – when baby makes two…

April 30, 2010 in Parenting, Pregnancy by admin

Sandra Hart is a single mother and blogger at The Under Fives Network. In this post Sandra talks about her experiences of single parenting and challenges some common misconceptions..

Parents are often one of the hardest working sectors of Great Britain and, more often than not, the most forgotten. Many reports come out telling us that we’re doing a bad job, that our kids are going to grow up into horrible people who will either turn to violence, drink or drugs – or all three.

But this isn’t always the case. I think that most parents will agree that whatever we do it is always going to be wrong. So why do we do it?

Most people have children because they have always had this yearning to be a mother or father. There is a primeval need to produce children and keep the world going, to have someone to nurture and care for. Other people become parents because they’ve had a horrible and unloved childhood and have an overwhelming need to be loved.

Some just forget the contraception once and bingo – baby makes 3.  Or is it 2?

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Support for mums setting up their own businesses

March 17, 2010 in Babies, Parenting by admin | 2 comments

When you become a mother for the first time, you really have no idea what to expect. Will you relish the time at home with your new born or will you feel abandoned and yearn for the return of your working life? Many mums decide the only way to strike that elusive work-life balance is to start their own business – just like Polly and Helen here at Cuddledry!

Antonia Chitty runs her own PR business, writes books and offers help to other mums thinking about starting a business through her blogs, Family Friendly Working and The Mumpreneur Guide. Antonia also won ‘Inspirational Business Mum of the Year 2009′. In this post, Antonia talks about her experiences of setting up her own business:

I didn’t find my first maternity leave very easy. The day my partner went back to work I felt like crying. What was I supposed to do all day with this small pink bundle? Nothing in my previous career had quite prepared me for motherhood.

I went along to a mother and baby group, met some other women with new first babies and gradually got the hang of things – but was still quite relieved when the time came to go back to work. Don’t get me wrong: I didn’t want to leave dd, but I did want to get back to a world where I felt in control.

Fast forward nearly four years. Maternity leave 2. I love being at home. Dd goes to playgroup three or four mornings a week. Ds, just a few weeks old reliably falls asleep in the buggy as we drop her off and I race home because I have so much that I want to do. I’m not racing home to do the housework, though. I’m racing home because I have my own business to run, and I love it. I’m writing a book too, something that has been an ambition for many years.

I lasted 9 months back in my old career, feeling like a square peg in a round hole. I couldn’t keep up with the drinking and nights out with workmates. I felt like I had to rush my work to leave every day in time to get back to nursery. I was spending great chunks of my salary on childcare. I didn’t feel like I was doing a great job as a mum. And worst of all someone else was seeing dd grow up and become more and more interesting.

I saw a media call out for a mum who wanted to sort out her work life balance and responded. I had a session with a life coach and had to tell the journalist about it. For me, that session was the start of something amazing. I’d never imagined working for myself, yet in that short conversation it became exactly what I needed to do. I got off the phone, called a contact on a trade mag and pitched a couple of articles to her. She loved the ideas and I had the confidence to hand in my notice. I spent the next three months working on my day job and building up freelance work in the evenings.

Now, dd is 8, ds is 4 and I also have a one year old. I juggle school, nursery and a part time childminder. I work while Ds2 naps and some evenings. I have built up a network of people who support my business – a website manager, a bookkeeper, an assistant who all work part time and mostly from their own homes too. I love the fact that I can be there at school events and choose just how much childcare to use and how much time to look after the children myself. It’s not always easy, but it is totally worth it.

Do you, like Antonia, have experience of setting up your own business? Or maybe you secretly dream of being your own boss but haven’t quite yet made the leap – please leave a comment, we’d love to hear your thoughts! Leave a comment this week for your chance to win a copy of ‘Motherhood’ on DVD.

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The thin pink line(s) – when pregnancy takes a little longer than you hoped…

March 15, 2010 in Fertility, Pregnancy by admin | 3 comments

So, you and your partner are ready- you’re young and reasonably healthy, but both of you have started to hear the tick tock of the biological clock. You want a baby. Should be a easy, right? Not always! Cuddledry asked CLAIRE CURRAN, mum of two toddlers whose antics provide the inspiration for her Twenty Something Mum blog, about her experiences of trying to get pregnant…

My partner  and I had been trying for a baby for 5 years. We had been trying for so long that I think both of us thought it would never happen for us. Even friends had made us God Parents to lots of their offspring, which was nice of them but did feel like a bit of a consolation prize.

I think for a number of years I personally kept the pregnancy test industry in business, as in a cruel twist every few months over the five years my period would be late (sometimes by two weeks), and of course we would get excited, only to have the knock back of a negative test.

In the end, a very good friend of mine bought me a bumper pack, as a gift-may seem mean, but she was my closest girlfriend and wanted us to get our wish more than we did.

I tried lots of old wives tales to aid pregnancy-eating certain foods, not eating certain foods, not drinking alcohol, banning smoking in the house/garden and anywhere I may breathe it in, and taking Folic Acid capsules (euuuurrrghhh).

One daft one I look back on and think “what was I thinking?”, but took incredibly seriously at the time, was when I would do a kind of head stand against the bedroom wall whilst lying on the bed-I had read somewhere that holding your lower body like this after sex would help the little swimmers reach their goal. But after 5 minutes, and not being the most athletic of people, the blood would rush to my head and I’d want to keel over!

In the end, we gave up, and had made an appointment for the docs to find out what was wrong. It was awful, as at this point we were blaming each other and having the odd serious row about the whole thing.I would blame Ed’s age and his raving lifestyle back in the early nineties, and he would blame me for my stressed nature- his view was that if I stopped agonising over it, it would happen.At times we nearly destroyed our whole relationship over something that had started out as a sign of how goodour relationship was.

So, one day, we had a barbecue, with lots of friends, and one of my girlfriends announced she was 3 months gone-and would we like to be God Parents. I would always be so pleased for people, but sometimes it was hard.

I had told my friends I had basically given up trying, and for the first time in ages, had a few glasses of wine. I really had a great time that day, for the first time in ages, and the lack of baby, despite my friends news, was right at the back of my mind. Both of us had a good laugh at the predictability of us being asked to be Godparents.

At the end of the evening, when everyone went home, I was slightly tipsy. We had been joking about everyone sneezing and having babies 9 months after, and in the end were laughing. As I needed the loo, I remarked to my other half to sneeze on me. I then thought I’d get a test out and pretend as a joke it had worked.

So imagine the shock I had when it turned positive!

I couldn’t find a pen so had decided that when 1 line for negative came out I’d joke that with this test it was positive. But two lines appeared. I screamed, running out the bathroom and jumping in Ed’s lap. After doing 3 more(!) all either of us could do was laugh and say “Oh, a baby” alot like morons.

And now we have Chrissy who is nearly 3 and also (within 11 months of Chrissy I was pregnant again) Edward who is a year- no sneeze required!

Never give up, don’t let it destroy you as a couple, and don’t expect it to happen over night- and if you do have concerns, get checked out!

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